Imbolc holds the “promise” of tomorrow; It’s Mother’s way of
teaching us patience. I am learning that I am not as patient a person as I used
to be. I want, if not instant gratification, then at least gratification that is
“nearby”. I used to help plan Pagan Pride Day and that was a months-long
process. We’d start in January planning for an event in September or October.
Mostly it was small, incremental progress until about 2 months before the event
and then a flurry of activity. Maybe I was just used to the pace of it, year
after year. I’ve been out of that loop for a while now.
Last year I started a project I didn’t even know I wanted to do—writing a book, The Art of
Sigils, about using sigils to inspire
creativity. I’ve been making and using sigils for over a decade now because I
discovered that this was the most accessible and productive magick I have ever
learned to do. Sometime in the last couple of years the sigils became more than
just a means to an end. They became a vehicle for creative expression that
filled a need in my soul. As I talked to friends about the book project they
would often comment “I’m not at all creative”, which to me, was an odd thing
to say because most of the people I know are very creative–people who experiment
and think outside the box. It began to occur to me that many people mistakenly equate
“creative” with “artistic” but they’re not the same thing. While Artists are often
Creative, Creative people are not always Artists.
For example: One of my friends owns a coffee and tea shop.
She makes the most wonderful tea blends. Another of my friends is an amazing
cook who combines ingredients in ways I never would have thought of. I have
friends that are discovering Herbalism and are creating potions, lotions and
concoctions that nourish the body and uplift the spirit. I’ve met two different
men who use a myriad of percussion and musical instruments to heal the soul. These
are all examples of being Creative that don’t necessarily have anything to do
with Art.
For a while last year, the book practically wrote itself,
one thing flowed into the next. Then I reached a point where I could not
proceed further. I had to stop. And wait. Certain things needed to be done
before I could continue and I didn’t have any control over when they would be
done or there was no way to speed up the time it was allotted. That was hard. I
planted the seed and now I had to wait for germination. I continued to make
plans and do some research but I couldn’t work on the book itself. This (along
with some other occurrences) caused me to become depressed. In this time of
inactivity, the doubts came seeping in. Was I doing all this work for nothing?
What made me think I have anything interesting or important to say? I have no
experience in publishing a book so what makes me think I can do it
successfully? There’s an awful lot of time and effort that goes on in addition
to the book itself. Can I do it? Can I sustain the momentum? Those damn thoughts
are like cockroaches – hard to get rid of and they keep multiplying!
The winter months are usually difficult for me so this
depression persisted through the last two months of last year and even followed
me into this year. The fact that I was sick as a dog the first week of the New Year
did nothing to improve my mental outlook. I seriously thought about giving up
on the project. It was only recently that I’ve been able to make progress again
on the book – actually working on the book itself, not just planning, making
lists and researching. That seems to have help the depression lift (in addition
to regaining my health). I’m writing this, not to gain sympathy, but to be
honest about my journey and to let others know that they are not alone in their
depression and self-doubt. That they can come through to the other side and
pick up their dreams where they left them. Hang in there. Practice patience.
I just finished a contest inviting the public to submit
entries that could end up in my book. Intended to generate interest and
publicity for the book, there wasn’t as much participation as I had hoped, but I
did get a few entries. I also just launched an Indiegogo campaign to help
finance hiring people to do the things I don’t have the skills to do.
Self-publishing isn’t as much of a solo endeavor as one would think and it
isn’t free.
I have planted my seed. Germination is accomplished. The
roots are growing and I can see the tender green sprout emerging through the
soil. I still have to wait a little more time before I can shape it and feed it
and still longer before it bares fruit for me to share with the world.
Imbolc holds the “promise” of tomorrow. But it’s not here
yet and I have to practice patience. I will water my dream and tend it. If you
would like to share in this dream, I invite you to add your drop of water (every
drop makes a difference) to this project through my Indiegogo campaign. Together we can help it grow and when it bears fruit I will share it with
you.
To keep up with this and other projects, follow me on:
Facebook:
@GinaLeslieAuthor
Twitter: @theartofsigils
Instagram: @theartofsigils
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